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Monday, December 1, 2008

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

The NFL Stupid Top Ten of 2008 – And Their Fantasy Impact

Plaxico Burress’ latest and most seriously stupid transgression has inspired this list of NFL players who have taken dumbness to levels which even dumb people laugh at. We rate their overall Stupid Factor and the impact their actions have had on a fantasy football level. The players listed here must have been on an NFL roster for the 2008 calendar year (sadly, Michael Vick and O.J. Simpson did not qualify only for that reason).

10. Donovan McNabb, Eagles: Saying that he didn’t know that NFL games can end in ties was pretty ignorant. Compounding that further by saying “I wouldn’t want to see what would happen in a playoff game or the Super Bowl”, makes you wonder if this guy has ever watched a game he hasn’t played in.
Stupid Factor (S.F.)=7
Fantasy Impact Factor (F.I.F)=3

9. DeSean Jackson, Eagles: The "rookie mistake" excuse doesn’t explain why he would toss away the football he was holding before he crossed the goal line for what would have been a sure touchdown. He must have been too pre-occupied with starting his lame celebration for the TD he didn’t score.
S.F.= 6
F.I.F= 6

8. Chris Henry, Bengals: Henry was arrested four times in a 14 month span and has missed 12 games due to suspension in the last two seasons. His talent as a wide receiver has been obscured by his uncanny ability for being arrested.
S.F.= 8

7. Larry Johnson, Chiefs: Johnson was suspended three games this season after being charged with simple assault for allegedly spitting his drink in a woman's face on Oct. 10. Johnson also faces a Dec. 4 court date for an incident that occurred last February when he allegedly pushed a woman's face in another Kansas City nightspot. Can you define this as stupid, classless or cowardly? Take your pick.
S.F.= 8
F.I.F. = 7

6. Steve Smith, Panthers: Smith has a history of attacking teammates. He was suspended by his team for the first two games of this season for breaking the nose of teammate Ken Lucas with a sucker punch during training camp practice.

5. Adam “Pacman” Jones, Cowboys: A dangerous punt returner, but a more dangerous citizen. Jones has been arrested six times, and served a full season suspension in 2007. He is known for making it rain in strip clubs and for causing a riot, which led to gunshots and the paralysis of a security guard in a Las Vegas club. His most recent bout with stupidity was punching his own bodyguard assigned to him by the Cowboys to make sure he stayed out of trouble.
S.F.= 10
F.I.F = 5

4. Tatum Bell, Broncos: When the Lions brought in Rudi Johnson to essentially take Bell’s job in Detroit early this season, Bell was caught on camera stealing Johnson’s personal bag, which contained his clothes, while in the Lions offices. Bell was officially released shortly thereafter.

3. Cedric Benson, Bengals: Benson was stopped May 3 while on Lake Travis and charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. He was then pulled over in downtown Austin on June 7 and was arrested on a drunken driving charge. The Bears wasted the 4th overall pick in the 2005 draft and cut their losses by releasing him before this season. He was signed by Cincinnati a month into this season and has been a flop averaging just 3.1 yards per carry and only one TD.
S.F. = 8
F.I.F. = 7

2. Plaxico Burress, Giants: Instead of using the momentum of a catching the winning pass in a Super Bowl victory, Burress has done everything possible to throw away his career with multiple disciplinary problems. He has been fined $200,000, suspended one game by his team for blowing off work, and suspended the first half of the game against Pittsburgh for not showing up to a treatment session for an injury. All that looks minor compared to carrying an illegal gun and then shooting himself in the leg while at a nightclub. Criminal possession of a loaded weapon is a felony in New York, punishable by up to a year in prison. The five year, $35 million contract he signed before this season is in jeopardy, as are his days as a New York Giant.
F.I.F.= 8 (nice way to burn fantasy owners just before the playoffs!)

1. Travis Henry, Broncos: Henry signed a five-year, $22.5 million deal with the Broncos last year, and led the league in rushing a month into the 2007 season. He blew that on blow (possession and intent to distribute) and is now facing ten years in prison and a $4 million dollar fine. During the summer, Coach Mike Shanahan said that Henry lacked commitment. He obviously had something else he was more committed to. Oh yeah, did we mention that Henry has fathered nine children with nine different women – at last count. Clearly, football has never been his primary focus.
S.F.= 10
F.I.F.= 8 (for anyone who wasted an early draft pick on him last season)

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